Tips Guides Resources

We are quickly coasting into the holidays, a time of year that brings us joy and love and often feelings of stress, overwhelm, disappointment, and frustration. By planning ahead before the holiday rush begins, you and your family can experience the joy of the holidays and less of the stress and pressure.

Many parents and educators get caught up in the rush to accomplish during the holidays. They want everything to be “perfect” based on their beliefs about what the people around them want and what they
believe they should be doing. They lose their focus and feel overwhelmed by all the gifts to purchase and events to attend.

Sometimes people accept the chaos and frenzy of the holidays as inevitable and try to get through them the best way you can, as if they are an ordeal to survive. This is not the healthiest or most fun way to experience the holidays.

If you want your holidays to be more joy-filled, the most important thing to ask yourself is, “What matters most to me this holiday season?’ The two most important words in this question are the little words “to me.” Not what matters most to your child or your parents or your partner or your friends.

Take a moment, right now, and think about this question. What does matter most to you this holiday season? What do you want to experience? If you have a pen and paper handy or your PDA, jot down some notes and ideas to answer this question.

If you’ve taken a few moments to write down your ideas, you’ve probably come up with some words like these–fun, joy, great loving times with my friends and family, calmness and contentment. Imagine what it would be like to have the kind of holidays you most desire!

When you look at these priorities, you’ll discover they are about the emotions you want to have this holiday season. They are how you want to feel and be, not what you want to do or have. Yet so often
the holidays are about doing and having. We seem to believe these are the way to create the emotions we desire.

Somewhere in your list of priorities you may have included something about gifts you want to receive and gifts you want to give to others. Once again, if you look deeper, you will see that your desires about gifts are also ways to create the emotions you
want for yourself and the people you love.

I find that our emotions are at the heart of what drives us as human beings. They are foundational to who you are, whether you are an adult or a young person. They drive your actions and those of
your child, yet people seldom give their emotions much conscious attention.

When you don’t pay attention to feelings, your own and other’s, when you don’t nurture your emotional connections with the people you love, this is when the holidays become stressful and not fun. Your lack of attention to emotions leads to hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and disappointment.

My secret for truly joyous holidays is to focus on the emotions you want to experience this holiday season. Then consciously make choices based on what will truly nurture you and your child’s emotional wholeness this holiday season. Set your personal boundaries to take good care of yourself. Here are some questions to guide you.

What feelings do I most want to experience this holiday season?

What experiences will nurture my child’s and my emotional wholeness this holiday season?

How can I lovingly respond to the demands and expectations of others that are not in alignment with what is best for me and my child?

Copyright, Connie Allen 2008

Resources: Connie Allen, M.A. of Joy with Children. Connie helps parents and educators who are unsure how to best empower their child. . For information on how you can nurture the joyous inner spirit of children, subscribe to her free e-newsletter “Joy with Children”. Visit her blog.