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Having worked for IT support services in London for many years I have accumulated a large network of friends and colleagues in the business. The other night my fellow IT support workers met in a London bar for a get together; as per usual on these occasions the conversation soon turned to some of the funny requests that we in the business of IT support have experienced.

The first came from one of my older friends who had been in the IT support industry from the beginning. He recalled a story of women who had come into his offices in London with a five inch diskette full of information; unfortunately the office had moved to the 3.5 inch diskette medium. On being told this the women swiftly reached for a pair of scissors and started to trim the diskette down so it would fit. My friend promptly explained the humour of this situation and the client left a little wiser.

Another of my friends who worked for a large company in the heart of the London financial district as an IT support worker bested that story with one of his own. He recounted the tale of one call he had received from someone in accounting claiming their computer had frozen. After joking that the computer was probably cold he headed the nine floors up to the accounting department. On his arrival his sides split as he saw the accountant had tried to ‘warm’ the computer by placing their jacket over the CPU.

Another acquaintance I had acquired during my time in IT support had owned a phone response unit based within the London area. The idea was to give phone advice to customers and if this did not work drive to anywhere within Greater London and fix the problem. The company experienced levels of success but the anecdotes that his workers came back with were priceless.

One worker once had a call from a frantic client who had claimed to have already called 999 but they had redirected him to the IT support service. The caller went on to claim the ‘internet was under attack’ as his computer was not working properly. The operator soon resolved the problem when he found out the client had installed a new web browser that day and had not enabled cookies. After the client had calmed down he told the operator ‘never mind about the attack.’

Another worker got a call asking where the computer’s other cup holder was located. The response from the operator was ‘other cup holder?’ Wondering if the man on the other end of the line had gone slightly insane; it was not until the caller said, ‘you know; the one that pops out of the PC.’ The IT support worker had trouble stifling his laughs as he explained this was for inserting CDs and not holding cups of coffee.

A friend who had a drop in centre providing IT support services in the London area was exasperated by one client who on being told that she would need to see a client’s cookies in order to fix an internet problem; the customer brought in a tray of freshly baked cookies the next day.

No one can say that the IT support industry is a dull one to work in. with the often comedic problems that clients raise it is often a battle to contain your laughter. It does however prove that the majority of people have no idea how to fix a computer, even if it is a simple problem. This is why we all agreed IT support services is a lucrative trade to be in.

IT expert Shaun Parker studies the anecdotes associated within the IT industry and uses Scott Adam’s IT support London services on a regular basis. To find out more please visit http://www.scottadam.co.uk/

This is the next installment in a world of incredibly fun sports games played with dice. In the first installment I taught you how to play the college version of “Dice Football”. That was the simplest of all my dice sports games. Now it is time to start getting a little more complex. As, in all my dice football games you will need two dice, notebook paper and a pen or pencil.

You will recall that in the college version you got your box score set up so that you can begin the game and just take turns for four quarters. In the pro version the top team is always the home team and they always go first in the first and third quarters only. In the second and fourth quarters the visitor team goes first which allows the home team the advantage of “coming back” to win.

Both teams will only get three rolls of the two dice per quarter-instead of the five rolls per team in the college version. This discrepancy in rolls is due to the fact that it is much harder to score points in the pros than it is in college football. Oddly enough, it is also harder to shut out a pro team than a college team. That will be reflected in the field goal section below. You always allow the two teams to make their rolls (3) in the quarter all at once. In short, both teams roll two dice three times for each quarter of the game. Remember, the home team goes first in the first and third quarters only!

Just like in the college game scoring occurs when the two dice hit “doubles”. That is a touchdown and it’s worth six points. For the extra point you would roll two dice also-unlike the single one dice roll in college. If the dice roll results in “snake-eyes” (a pair of ones), the extra point is missed. Remember, you get three rolls of two dice per quarter per team.

Just as in the college game field goals can be attempted whenever one roll of dice results in a total of either a ten (4 & 6) or eleven (5 & 6). At that point you roll one dice to see if the field goal is good. When you attempt a field goal in the pro game and you roll a one, two, three, or four the field goal is good. Roll a five or six and that means you missed.

This is an example of how the pro game can break down. The home team rolls the dice two times before a pair of “fives” result…Touchdown! The home team rolls one dice and it results in a four…extra point is good-seven points total. The visitor then takes two rolls before rolling an eleven, which is a field goal attempt. He then rolls a two which means that the field goal is good. The total score at the end of the first quarter is home-7, visitors-3.

Neither team scores again until the fourth quarter. The visitor goes first and rolls once before rolling a ten. He rolls a six on his field goal attempt which means that he missed. Then he rolls doubles on his third and last toss and makes a successful extra point roll. His final score in the game is 10 points. Then the home team rolls three times and scores “doubles” on his last roll. He makes the extra point and wins the game with a final score of 14 to 10.

If the score ends in a tie just alternate one roll of two dice between the two teams until someone scores. In the next article I’ll teach you about handicapping the college and pro football dice games which allows you to play entire seasons and get “real-time” results. Till then, keep on rolling.

John DeJong is the creative designer for NotMeUSA. He’s been writing humorous advertisements for over 25 years. All the funny t-shirts, fun pill bottles, and gag spray bottles were created by him. You can see all his designs by visiting

If you’re like me, you spend hours surfing the internet looking for weird stuff that you’ve never seen or read about before. During my extensive research one evening, as I scoured cyberspace to find some new and unusual crap to entertain myself with, I finally found what I was looking for.

At about 2:00 A.M. on a Thursday night, I couldn’t relax, couldn’t sleep, so I traveled downstairs to the computer and went online to find some information about meditation or relaxation techniques to help me clear my head so I could fall asleep. On one of the websites I visited, there was a collection of links to various websites that teach meditation and relaxation techniques, such as yoga, Zen, and something called “open-eye meditation.” None of these things interested me, until I found a link to a website for something called “Remote Viewing & Remote Influencing.” This was intriguing, so I clicked through to the website.

At the very top of the first page was the title, “Welcome to the Remote Viewing and Remote Influencing Information Page - Your Real Life Time Machine.” I sat forward in my chair, excited as can be. “This is it,” I said to myself. “This is the kind of weird crap I’ve been looking for.”

The information contained there was fascinating. Remote viewing was allegedly developed by the CIA during the Cold War era, circa 1970, as a way to make use of our natural psychic potential to spy on the Russians without having to travel to the Soviet Union to do it. Using remote viewing, by focusing one’s mental powers on a certain point in space and time, it is possible to view what is going on anywhere at anytime; past, present, or future.

On the website, it also claimed that there were operatives who were trained in remote viewing and became so clairvoyant that they had to be locked underground in cages at different locales around the world. One was locked in a cage in Brazil, another in an intelligence base near Washington, and the third in an underground facility in Paramus, NJ. Yes, that’s right, Paramus, NJ!

After I finished reading about remote viewing, I arrived at the remote influencing part of the website, which was even more bizarre, but cool. According to the information posted there, “remote influencing allows you to create your own fate and future, attracting the people and situations you want, and not be subject anymore to or addicted to the system of group consciousness.” Apparently, remote influencing is some sort of mind control technique which enables you to create any reality you desire, alter your appearance, and change the world as you see fit; to play god, sort of speak.

The website never explained as to how one can actually learn to do this, though it did say that for $89.95 I could order their training tapes, which are backed by a 30-day money back guarantee. Right above the order form on the website was written “Order now for only $89.95, and learn how to change the world and play God - or your money back!”

I thought to myself, “For only $89.95 I get to become the Lord! What a great deal!” But, by that time it was 3 A.M., and since I was too tired to go back upstairs and get my credit card, I went back to bed. The next day, I did some further research, and I found a message board where people were discussing remote viewing and remote influencing products they had ordered online, and they revealed that what was sent to them was nothing more than some relaxation tapes narrated by a man with an eerie voice, accompanied by some ethereal background music.

So, are remote viewing and remote influencing proponents a bunch of quacks? Not necessarily. The principles they teach are probably true for the most part. They’re basically saying that we have the power within our own minds to control our destiny and to harness the power of the subconscious mind to do things that would seem supernatural to our conscious mind. Personally, I do believe in the power of the mind and that we can break free from the shackles of consciousness to achieve a higher state of mental well-being. This is one of the basic tenets of Scientology, that people have the power within themselves to do amazing things. So, despite having stumbled upon something that at first glance seemed like a scam or a bunch of empty nonsense, there was at least some wisdom imparted to me after having read through the information presented. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to my remote viewing class that starts in a half hour; we’re going to use remote viewing to try to find Bin Laden.

Jim Pretin is the owner of http://www.forms4free.com, a service that helps programmers make email forms.

Stonehenge funny jokes competition is an annual event which is held every year on the first weekend in the month of March. It is a very popular event attended by people from all over the world and across all walks & spheres of life.

This year there were a record number of people in attendance: up by 30% over last year. Nearly 100,000 people travelling to Stonehenge serves as a proof in itself that the event is in big demand. People were, setting up their camps, organising their humorous stalls; selling literature on jokes, comedy, and even offering crash courses to would be comedians over the weekend.

According to 2006 program, there was one West Country Comedy school offering its services to help you realise your ambitions to become a real comedian. We took advantage of this offer and sent along James Mcdugal: our humorous/comedy correspondence. He was put through a very intensive training program for eight hours on Friday. He was given instructions on style, delivery, posture, use of body language, voice and gestures to enhance his message. He spent the following morning actually putting into practice what he had learnt the previous day in preparation for an entry into Stonehenge one liner competition held on the Saturday evening. He was scheduled to deliver his stomach crusher one liners at 9.00pm. Below is a list of James on liners. James had the audience in stitches… He generated the greatest amount of laughter because he fell flat on his fact as he walked onto the stage… He broke the ice well… after that it was piece of cake for him…

What happens when fish crosses an elephant? A swimming trunk.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the disco? Because he had no body to go with.
Why did the girl take crayons to her bed? To draw the curtains.
What did the mother phone say to the baby phone? You are too small to get engaged.
Why did the girl wear the ring on the wrong finger? To show people she was married to the wrong man.
Why did the elephant eat the candle? Because he wanted a light snack.
Have you heard the joke about butter? Don’t spread it.
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay they would be baygulls.
What did the ground say to the earth quake? You crack me up..
Why did the boy study in the aeroplane? Because he wanted higher education.
What is the best time to go the bed? When the bed won’t come to you.
Why did the lobster blush? Because he saw the seaweed.
Why did the toilet paper go down the hill? To get to the bottom..
Dad, son school joke…The dad said to his boy… How do you like going to school? The going bit is fine, the coming back bit is fine.. but I am not so keen on the bit in the middle.

There were 20 entrants in total and each comedian had 5 minutes to make their audience laugh. The deciding factor amongst other things was the roar of the laughter. This one factor was the clincer.. this alone determined the overall winner of the Stonehenge “Joker of the Year 2006″ … After the presentation which lasted for about an two hours.. The judges made their decision and came back to announce it at 11pm.

Jo Gormely the president of the Stonehenge “Jokers” plc said.. Ladies and gentlemen.. welcome to the Stonehenge… Here are the results of tonight’s competition in reverse order…

Third place goes to “Tim Cutler”.. from Australia. Tim was presented with a brass trophy as well as a

This article looks at the wonderful effects of laughter & really funny things.

Are you feeling run down? You could try laughing more! Some researchers think laughter could be the best medicine, helping you feel better and bringing that spring back into your step.

It makes sense that if people can get more laughter in their lives, they are happier and healthier too.
Laughter is a wonderful thing - that’s why we have all heard the saying “laughter is the best medicine”. There is strong evidence that laughter can actually improve health and help fight disease.

Test the theory and see for yourself!

First id like you to think of some really funny things, situations you have been in or pictures you have seen, as long as it’s really funny!
Now I want you to smile, come on! Let the corners of your mouth turn up. Giggle, chortle, chuckle. And slowly build up into a loud laugh.

How do you feel now? Refreshed? Exhilarated? According to recent studies done by neuroscientists and psychologists, as well as the newest fads in holistic medicine, laughter is the greatest panacea yet discovered.
It has been credited with everything from lowering blood pressure and reducing chances of heart attacks and strokes to increasing your intelligence and capabilities to retain process information.

Humour and laughter are regularly being used in a variety of therapeutic situations.

Research into the use of therapeutic humour tells us it has the power to motivate, alleviate stress and pain and improve one’s sense of well being.

When really funny things make us laugh, natural killer cells which destroy tumours and viruses increase, along with Gamma-interferon (a disease fighting protein), T- cells (important for the immune system) and B - cells (which make disease -fighting antibodies).
As well as lowering blood pressure, laughter increases oxygen in the blood, which also encourages healing.

What is laughter?
Believe it of not laughter is not the same as humour. It is the physiological response to humour and is made of two parts - the production of a sound and a set of gestures.
Laughing causes our brain to conduct both the production of a sound and a set of gestures simultaneously.

Why do we laugh?
Some researchers believe that strengthening human connections is related to why we laugh because laughter occurs more often when people are comfortable around one another.
Have you noticed in an office everyone in the office laughs when the boss laughs? This is because dominant people use laughter more often than their subordinates.
Laughing and Humour is like a medicine and a very powerful one.
It can bring together families in troubled times, reduce anger and frustration and lower your stress levels.
If you can laugh at yourself or a situation you are in that seem overwhelming it will help to diffuse the stress.

Laughter and really funny things serve a great purpose in our life not only from a medical point of view we discussed earlier but it will make you feel better about yourself and the world around you. It will make a bad situation seem a little less daunting.

A hearty laugh a day may well keep the doctor away, so keep looking at really funny things!

Vicki Churchill is the owner of really funny things, a site that specializes in funny things and information on how really funny things are good for your health.