Tips Guides Resources

One of the most nerve-wracking situations for many people is attending social events, particularly those where you don’t know anyone else. If you’re like many people, you have visions of yourself standing alone, looking awkward, sweating, and sneaking out the side door early.

Socializing is difficult for many people. Why? For one, it’s a perfect opportunity for rejection. After all, if you say or do something stupid, it’s very easy for the other person to move on to someone else if they find your conversation dull.

Or another scenario is one where you’re stuck at a table with a bunch of other people you don’t know, and you envision yourself staring at your plate all through the meal, completely at a loss of words.

These fears are very common and normal. That’s good. It means that, if you feel this way, you’re not alone. It also means that when you’re feeling awkward in a social situation, others are as well.

Even some people who appear to be completely at ease may have a jumble of nerves and self-doubt inside. So what’s the solution?

If you are the person who speaks out first, makes the first move, and begins a conversation, you’re taking the pressure off the other person. No longer are you now the one who is awkward at socializing, but you are now someone who is focused on the other people attending.

Changing your frame of mind in this way can be very helpful. It’s also more helpful than changing your frame of mind in other ways, such as using alcohol or other medications (unless you’ve had a thorough check-up with a doctor who has prescribed anti-anxiety medications).

It’s true that alcohol can put you at ease and make starting a conversation much easier. The problem is that it also makes it much easier to take another drink, and another, and before you know it (or don’t), you really are saying or doing something stupid.

Unless you are absolutely confident (no pun intended) in your ability to control your drinking, avoid using this method as a solution to your social fears.

After you have reminded yourself that many other people there are feeling just as nervous as you are, try striking up a conversation. This is easier than it may seem–or at least, it does become easier with practice. One of the best ways to start a conversation is to ask questions.

Then keep asking them. People like to talk about themselves, and it’s also a subject that we all know well–so this avoids awkward moments trying to discuss the latest political issue or historical fact that someone may not be “up” on for whatever reason (life can get in the way sometimes).

The key to making this work, however, is to actually be interested in what the other person has to say. If you’re constantly looking around, interrupting, or giving other signs that you’re not interested, you’ll quickly offend the other person, who may well walk away. Then you will find yourself in the situation you’re trying to avoid.

When possible, take a buddy with you. Just be sure that you don’t hide in the corner only talking to each other. Instead, use the “buddy system” to meet new people together. It’s always easier when you have someone on your side.

Simply knowing that at least one other person there likes you and is rooting for you can give you an instant confidence booster as you reach out to new people.

Using the buddy method is also a great way to practice before you have to strike out on your own, which is likely to happen at least once in your lifetime. Feeling prepared will make you feel much more confident when you do find yourself in this scenario.

Forcing yourself to learn new social skills is scary. You are taking a risk. However, once you make the effort, even if it doesn’t go as well as you’d hoped, you can feel better about yourself knowing you made the effort. Next time will go better. Give yourself credit for trying.

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Self confidence is the ability to trust your own decisions and instincts.People that posses a great amount of self confidence are often successful, focused, and flexible individuals who can handle any situation life may throw at them.

A self confident individual know he or she has the potential to take on the world and come out on top. Those that surround a self confident individual are made aware of his or her nature by his or her actions.

People that are self confident prove so by their actions, not their words. If you find yourself constantly trying to impress friends, family, coworkers, or superiors by stating your self confidence, you have clearly crossed the line into arrogance.

The difference between these two attributes are tremendously different, but the line regarding the actions and attitudes of these attributes is not clearly defined. Quite often, individuals who are usually remarkably self confident cross the line into clear arrogance without knowledge.

If your family, friends, coworkers, or superiors see you as arrogant, all the positive attributes of your self confidence has been thrown out the window. Instead of trying to impress individuals through your words, impress them through your actions.

The old adage,actions speak louder than words is quite evident in this case and should be taken literally. Who are you more likely to trust, an individual who makes outrageous claims and boasts or an individual who can prove he or she can successfully execute the task at hand?

Which one of these individuals seems more trustworthy and will be valued higher because he or she is able to get the job done without feeling the need to boast or brag about a completed project or a new conquest.

If you are unsure whether you come across as a self confident individual or an arrogant fool who makes lofty claims but cannot produce the end product, ask your friends, coworkers, or family members. Carefully select your audience as choosing some individuals, a parent perhaps, will skew the results of your survey.

If you find that you come across as arrogant instead of polished and self confident, rethink your method of approach. Instead of boasting or bragging about your personal victories, find a way to spotlight someone else’s work.

Take on a task that requires group input and begin working as a full-fledged team member. Carefully think about your statements when speaking with a friend, family member, or colleague and do not bombard them with negative comments or critiques and speaks highly of yourself.

Begin the process of transforming your arrogance into self confidence. Think of self confidence as knowing you can complete a goal and arrogance as telling everyone you will be able to complete said goal in a taunting or boastful manner.

Begin reshaping your arrogance into self confidence by electing to take on tasks or goals that you have not successfully completed before. Instead of easily tackling the same project, branch out and try something unrelated.

True self confidence will allow you to begin and finish this project without worrying about your abilities in any area. Spend more time on accomplishing goals than boasting about your successes.

Once you have successfully make the transformation from arrogant to self confident, you can have the opportunity to live your life in a new fashion.

If your arrogant ways has insulted or belittled individuals in the past, strive to make amends of the situation. Turn over a new leaf and work to remain self confident without crossing over the boundary into arrogance again.

You will soon find possessing an attribute like self confidence will get you far in the quest to complete your goals.

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Pain may sometimes be the reason why people change. Getting flunked grades make us realize that we need to study. Debts remind us of our inability to look for a source of income. Being humiliated gives us the push to speak up and fight for ourselves to save our face from the next embarrassments.

It may be a bitter experience, a friend’s tragic story, a great movie, or an inspiring book that will help us get up and get just the right amount of motivation we need in order to improve ourselves.

With the countless negativities the world brings about, how do we keep motivated?
Try on the tips I prepared from A to Z :

A - Achieve your dreams. Avoid negative people, things and places. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

B - Believe in your self, and in what you can do.

C - Consider things on every angle and aspect. Motivation comes from determination. To be able to understand life, you should feel the sun from both sides.

D - Don’t give up and don’t give in. Thomas Edison failed once, twice, more than thrice before he came up with his invention and perfected the incandescent light bulb. Make motivation as your steering wheel.

E - Enjoy. Work as if you don’t need money. Dance as if nobody’s watching. Love as if you never cried. Learn as if you’ll live forever. Motivation takes place when people are happy.

F - Family and Friends are life’s greatest treasures. Don’t loose sight of them.

G - Give more than what is enough. Where does motivation and self improvement take place at work? At home? At school? When you exert extra effort in doing things.

H - Hang on to your dreams. They may dangle in there for a moment, but these little stars will be your driving force.

I - Ignore those who try to destroy you. Don’t let other people to get the best of you. Stay out of toxic people the kind of friends who hates to hear about your success.

J - Just be yourself. The key to success is to be yourself. And the key to failure is to try to please everyone.

K - Keep trying no matter how hard life may seem. When a person is motivated, eventually he sees a harsh life finally clearing out, paving the way to self improvement.

L - Learn to love your self. Now isn’t that easy?

M - Make things happen. Motivation is when your dreams are put into work clothes.

N - Never lie, cheat or steal. Always play a fair game.

O - Open your eyes. People should learn the horse attitude and horse sense. They see things in 2 ways how they want things to be, and how they should be.

P - Practice makes perfect. Practice is about motivation. It lets us learn repertoire and ways on how can we recover from our mistakes.

Q - Quitters never win. And winners never quit. So, choose your fate are you going to be a quitter? Or a winner?

R - Ready yourself. Motivation is also about preparation. We must hear the little voice within us telling us to get started before others will get on their feet and try to push us around. Remember, it wasn’t raining when Noah build the ark.

S - Stop procrastinating.

T - Take control of your life. Discipline or self control jives synonymously with motivation. Both are key factors in self improvement.

U - Understand others. If you know very well how to talk, you should also learn how to listen. Yearn to understand first, and to be understood the second.

V - Visualize it. Motivation without vision is like a boat on a dry land.

W - Want it more than anything. Dreaming means believing. And to believe is something that is rooted out from the roots of motivation and self improvement.

X - X Factor is what will make you different from the others. When you are motivated, you tend to put on extras on your life like extra time for family, extra help at work, extra care for friends, and so on.

Y - You are unique. No one in this world looks, acts, or talks like you. Value your life and existence, because you’re just going to spend it once.

Z - Zero in on your dreams and go for it!!!

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You hear it all the time: “success is a state of mind.” There are people who would argue that success is a natural result of proper planning, preparation and focused action, and that viewpoint certainly holds a grain of truth - but there are also many exceptions to disprove that “rule.”

Have you ever wondered how two people can attempt the same objective in the same way and only one of them succeed? Is it sheer luck? Timing? Tenacity? More often than not, it’s a person’s mind-set that determines whether they fail or succeed.

What is a mind-set, anyway? Typically a mind-set refers to your predominant state of mind day to day. It’s what you think about, focus on, and expect from your daily experiences. Think negatively, expect the worst, feel pessimistic about your options and that’s exactly what you’ll seem to draw into your life. Likewise, think positively, expect the best and focus on a successful outcome and you get it most of the time.

Makes sense, right? But how exactly does this work? Why is a success mind-set so important? There are three big reasons:

1.A success mind-set boosts your confidence and self-belief.
A lack of belief in yourself usually comes along with a sense of powerlessness and futility, which is the exact opposite of a success mind-set. Lack of confidence means you see no point in trying to be successful because it won’t happen anyway. Obviously, this type of mind-set is a recipe for failure in any endeavor.

Having a true success mind-set, on the other hand, means you believe in yourself and your capabilities. You believe you can succeed at nearly anything you try, and you’re willing to give it your best shot. Even better, the more you do try, the more confidence and self-belief you build - until you’re virtually unstoppable!

2.A success mind-set strengthens your determination.
Without a success mind-set, one failure is enough to convince you that pursuing your goals is a waste of time. Tenacity and determination don’t exist in your world. If you don’t become a raging success the first time you try, you surmise that it simply wasn’t meant to be. Unfortunately, few things worth having are obtained so easily!

A success mind-set, however, strengthens your awareness that a failure is not the end of the story - it’s just one more way that didn’t work out the way you planned. In fact, a true success mind-set makes it obvious that the only true failure occurs when you stop trying.

3.A success mind-set encourages fruitful actions.
Have you ever found yourself wandering in circles because you didn’t know the best way to approach a specific goal? Perhaps you had an idea of the best course of action but you felt intimidated by some of the action steps required. As a result, you may have kept sabotaging your efforts as you searched in vain for an easier or less frightening way to your goal.

With a true success mind-set, you’ll always know the most effective action steps that will lead directly to your goal. As already discussed, you’ll also have the inner confidence and determination to pursue them - which is a sure recipe for . . . you guessed it; success!

If I had to sum up how to develop a success mind-set into as few words as possible, I’d say this:

- Go for your dreams.
- Think positively.
- Believe in yourself.
- Believe you can do better.
- Learn, grow and develop yourself.
- Be willing to take chances.
- Give it your all.
- Expect the best in every situation.
- Be willing to fail.
- When you fall down, get back up and try again.

Keep doing that and you can’t help but become successful, from the inside out.

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How many times have you caught yourself saying that there could be no other solution to a problem and that that problem leads to a dead end? How many times have you felt stumped knowing that the problem laying before you is one you cannot solve. No leads. No options. No solutions.

Did it feel like you had exhausted all possible options and yet are still before the mountain - large, unconquerable, and impregnable? When encountering such enormous problems, you may feel like you’re hammering against a steel mountain. The pressure of having to solve such a problem may be overwhelming.

But rejoice! There might be some hope yet! With some creative problem-solving techniques you may be able to look at your problem in a different light. And that light might just be the end of the tunnel that leads to possible solutions.

First of all, in the light of creative problem-solving, you must be open-minded to the fact that there may be more than just one solution to the problem. And, you must be open to the fact that there may be solutions to problems you thought were unsolvable.

Now, with this optimistic mindset, we can try to be a little bit more creative in solving our problems.
1.Maybe the reason we cannot solve our problems is that we have not really taken a hard look at what the problem is. Here, trying to understanding the problem and having a concrete understanding of its workings is integral solving the problem. If you know how it works, what the problem is, then you have a better foundation towards solving the problem.

Not trying to make the simple statement of what problem is. Try to identify the participating entities and what their relationships with one another are. Take note of the things you stand to gain any stand to lose from the current problem. Now you have a simple statement of what the problem is.

2.Try to take note of all of the constraints and assumptions you have the words of problem. Sometimes it is these assumptions that obstruct our view of possible solutions. You have to identify which assumptions are valid, in which assumptions need to be addressed.

3.Try to solve the problem by parts. Solve it going from general view towards the more detailed parts of the problem. This is called the top-down approach. Write down the question, and then come up with a one-sentence solution to that from them. The solution should be a general statement of what will solve the problem. From here you can develop the solution further, and increase its complexity little by little.

4.Although it helps to have critical thinking aboard as you solve a problem, you must also keep a creative, analytical voice at the back of your head. When someone comes up with a prospective solution, tried to think how you could make that solution work. Try to be creative. At the same time, look for chinks in the armor of that solution.

5.It pays to remember that there may be more than just one solution being developed at one time. Try to keep track of all the solutions and their developments. Remember, there may be more than just one solution to the problem.

6.Remember that old adage,” two heads are better than one.” That one is truer than it sounds. Always be open to new ideas. You can only benefit from listening to all the ideas each person has. This is especially true when the person you’re talking to has had experience solving problems similar to yours.

You don’t have to be a gung-ho, solo hero to solve the problem. If you can organize collective thought on the subject, it would be much better.

7.Be patient. As long as you persevere, there is always a chance that a solution will present itself. Remember that no one was able to create an invention the first time around.

Creative thinking exercises can also help you in your quest be a more creative problems solver.

Here is one example - Take a piece of paper and write any word that comes to mind at the center. Now look at that word then write the first two words that come to your mind. This can go on until you can build a tree of related words. This helps you build analogical skills, and fortify your creative processes.

So, next time you see a problem you think you can not solve, think again. The solution might just be staring you right in the face. All it takes is just a little creative thinking, some planning, and a whole lot of work.

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Numerous studies show that girls’ self-esteem and self-confidence tends to plummet after about age nine as girls enter puberty.

Is there any way to promote and increase self esteem and confidence during the earlier years to help pave the way for this important transitional time? The good news is yes, there are things that can be done. Some of them you already know, but a few reminders can’t hurt.

Limit Television Viewing
Yes, we’ve all heard it before, and it’s easier said than done, particularly when there are a number of things to be done. However, studies show that programming and advertising can have a negative affect on viewers.

Beginning at very young ages, shows geared toward children are mixed with many advertising messages, some subtle, and some not so subtle.

While we can’t blame the media for everything, we can acknowledge that too much television may negatively affect our children’s self esteem and confidence. Children who learn at a young age that food equals happiness, for example, may have problems with body image later in life.

Ongoing messages that things are the solutions to problems only exaggerates feelings of low self worth if a child doesn’t have the right things. As children age, the “things” can change into a perfect body, and not having the right things can translate into body image problems and other self-destructive behaviors.

Provide Positive Role Models
As girls age, they become increasingly aware of how women around them act and respond to various situations. Women who stuff their anger or express it “sideways” show girls that it’s not okay to be angry, stand up for oneself, and be open and honest about their feelings.

Young girls learn from this behavior, and internal anger can express itself in feelings of low self-esteem and low confidence. Depression increases, and unexpressed anger can come out in very self-destructive ways, including eating disorders and substance abuse.

Unfortunately, many women never learned how to express their feelings in an appropriate manner, because they themselves did not have positive role models. If this is an issue, consider seeking professional help, not only for your own sake, but for those of your children.

Encourage Learning and Education
Some studies show that girls with a strong educational background are less likely to run into trouble as teens. The more girls know, the better able they are to make decisions. It’s also important to encourage learning in math and science.

While this is improving, girls are still viewed as less likely to succeed in these areas. Encouragement in these learning areas cannot only promote increased self-confidence, but it can also prepare girls for the changing work environment that relies more and more on technology.

Of course, this isn’t to say that other areas of learning are less important; only that encouragement in these areas can help provide balance to an education that is still not quite equal.

Try New Things and Discover their Talents
Learning what we are good at, and being encouraged to follow these directions, can greatly improve self-esteem and self confidence. When talents or dreams are dismissed, this can easily be perceived as a personal rejection.

On the other hand, when girls are encouraged to pursue their interests and develop their talents, this gives the message that they are important. Girls who feel valued by their parents and other important figures in their life are less likely to seek validation from other sources, many of which are not the positive influences desired.

Helping your children develop a healthy self-esteem and self confidence is an ongoing process. They will face struggles, and parents and others need to help them figure out ways of dealing with tough times. But as you work on solutions together, you can help young girls develop independence and confidence.

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