Tips Guides Resources

The Balance Challenge of Life - You’ve probably heard the old real estate cliche which asks the question, “What are the three most important elements of property?” You also probably know the answer is location, location and location.

But have you ever heard the similar question about life, “What are the three most important elements of a balanced life?” The answer to this question is boundaries, boundaries, and boundaries.

The Boundary Triad of Health and Wholeness

Boundaries are all about knowing where you end and others begin, as well as knowing where your energy needs to be divided from one area of your life to another. When you are aware of your boundaries and you reinforce them, you’ll find yourself operating in a flow, which essentially means there’s an ease in all you do.

Life without boundaries (or the reinforcement of them), results in massive losses of energy and an experience of going against the grain.

There are three basics of boundaries dynamics: One which is internal and two which are external. The internal boundaries are totally with yourself. The external boundaries - proactive and reactive - are with others. Let’s take a closer look.

Internal Boundaries: These boundaries will give you a more balanced life. When you live according to your purpose and vision, everything revolves around this. Your purpose and vision are the center of your life, and they are expressed in all areas of your life.

Evaluate your level of satisfaction with each primary area of your life on a scale from 1 to 10. If you find certain areas coming up with unsatisfactory results, or if there are areas which are dominating your life, reset your goals and reprioritize to get the maximum balance you desire.

Keep in mind, however, balance is seldom ever perfected but rather an ongoing readjustment. If you find you’re sacrificing disproportionate balance to or in one area (relationship, work, friends) you may want to re-evaluate that choice. This is often an early warning sign of some oncoming dysfunction which can still be prevented.

Proactive Boundaries: When you make a request, or express a need or want, you are being proactive with your boundaries. In other words, you’re not waiting to react, but instead are being forthright in stating and choosing what it is that you want and desire in your life. This all comes from knowing your values, deal-makers and deal-breakers, and living in integrity.

Being assertive means not only saying “No” to what you don’t want, but stating what you do want, proactively.

Want the aisle seat? Then ask for it. Want a booth instead of a table? Ask for it. Want less ice or no ice? Then ask for it. I think you get the idea, right?

Know who you are (your purpose and values), and know what you want (your goals and desires). Then ask for exactly what it is you need to achieve all this.

You’re far more likely to get what you want in life if you ask for it than if you don’t!

Don’t assume people, even those closest to you, will know what you want and need unless you ask. Being proactive will make your life more fulfilling.

Reactive Boundaries: These are boundaries you set to repel anything which is unacceptable or inappropriate to you. You must first identify what is unacceptable and then enforce the boundaries you set.

When someone does something which is intrusive, inappropriate, or abusive toward you, it’s your responsibility to set an appropriate boundary to protect yourself. This may simply mean leaving the situation or distancing yourself from it; letting the person know what happened and what you want differently; and/or just simply informing them that the behavior is unacceptable.

Avoid explaining or complaining. Just state what happened and what you want, or remove yourself from the situation.

If you believe you have no choices, you’ll feel stuck and like a victim as well. Always see the options and choices you do have. When you recognize these options and act upon then, you keep your power.

These are the three boundary dynamics in your life: Your internal boundaries with yourself, and both your proactive and reactive boundaries with others. Keep those in balance and you will be able to enjoy a purposeful, passionate, empowered and prosperous life!

Ken Donaldson has been offering counseling, coaching, and educational programs since 1987. His programs are focused on empowering people to have more successful lives, businesses and relationships. Claim your FREE Relationship Success Special Report at Marry YourSelf First!. Ken is the author of Marry YourSelf First! Saying “I DO” to a Life of Passion, Power and Purpose.

Many who come to me for hypnosis have had enough of their specific issue and they are ready for a new approach. After years of trying various prescription drugs, talk therapy and other alternative remedies they still seem to have a difficult time changing their behavior. With hypnosis, a simple shift in the subconscious can do the trick and I send them happily on their way. Unfortunately, there are times when nothing seems to work for them. Some people block results because they get a benefit from remaining in the status quo. This benefit is mostly unconscious, hidden deep inside working against them.

Below are some of the hidden blocks that could delay or prevent success in any process. Since the subconscious mind is not logical, the conscious mind has a hard time discovering the culprit that is holding them back.

1. Conditioning and Habit - Humans are creatures of habit and resist change. Most people do not like to leave their comfort zone, even if the zone is filled will despair or sickness. Since we do not know the future, the mind makes predictions based on the past. If we did not have money, the relationship, the health or the body before, the mind has a hard time projecting something different into the future. We are scared of the unknown. The mind simply takes a copy of yesterday and inserts it into today. We get locked into a certain way of being that is hard to change. This subtle benefit of avoiding the challenge of change can be quite powerful in keeping us from our dreams.

2. Being the Victim - Some people are very comfortable in the victim role and love to complain to their family and friends about their life. If circumstances improved, they would lose the benefit of getting attention for their dramatic tales. Sadly, there are some people who get a thrill out of sharing their life drama around the water cooler at work. Why do you think the reality shows are so popular? It is easy to wallow in a bad situation and blame the world. To look inside honestly and accept the responsibility for your life takes true courage.

3. Preparation and Readiness - Some think they are ready to change but have not cleared the way completely for the transition to occur in their life. I find that most people who have done some previous forms of therapy easily shift behavior because they have done most of the foundation work. Some have more processing to do and the results may come slower. Building a firm foundation is critical for long-term success in any life change. By giving up too soon, they get the benefit of avoiding all the inner-work required to reach their goals. They are really not ready to roll up their sleeves and look under the hood of their subconscious.

4. Resentment of the Past - Although life is filled with ups and downs, some people tend to hang on to the past mistakes of others (parents, ex-spouses, or friendships) that keep them stuck in the past. The lack of forgiveness holds them hostage to the pain the person caused them. Forgiveness isn’t about letting someone off the hook, but it is letting go of the pain they are feeling toward that situation. As people hold on to hate, anger and resentment, they are sending out that feeling into the world to attract more of it to them. Being stuck in the past prevents them from having a wonderful, happy abundant life. They get a benefit from the suffering because they feel it proves that the other person ruined their life. I hear people tell me that they want the other person to suffer for what they had done. Unfortunately, the one who is in the most despair is the person holding the resentment.

5. The Love of Therapy - You may think this is funny or odd, but some people love to be in therapy. The benefit they get from holding on to their problems so they can continue to see their therapist or talk about themselves. Some people are really lonely and find their therapist is their only ally in the world. Getting better would mean no need for therapy and sometimes that is enough to keep them from completely reaching their goals.

There are other specific benefits that people get from avoiding change. Some payoffs that were uncovered in sessions shocked my clients! Once discovered and brought to conscious awareness, it is easier to start shifting in a new direction. The goal of hypnosis is to find and release those blocks so the path can be cleared for a new future. The depth of trance or technique used has little impact on the results. Even though hypnosis can seem magical, results are directly related to how ready the person is for a new experience. Not even the greatest hypnotist in the world can take away someone’s pain. The person has to be willing to let it go.

(c) 2008 Inner Awareness Media, LLC.

Debra Berndt is a Certified Hypnotic Love Coach, Host of The Love Coach Radio Show, and Author of the upcoming book, “Let Love In.” Get free attract love mp3 hypnosis download and her weekly dating advice newsletter from her website at AttractLoveToday.com

Christians with rehab and drug abuse issues are eager to understand them, treat them, and to resume a fully productive and satisfying Christ-centered life.

I. How Drug Abuse Starts for Christians

There are many reasons that can contribute to using illegal drugs, and abusing prescription drugs.

Hostility, Anger, or Resentment: When we feel others have power over us, it can feel oppressive, unfair, or unjust. Resentment and anger can build up inside of us, until the point where we can hardly stand it. We want to strike out against those who hurt us, either literally or figuratively.

Retaliation and Pushing Back: We may feel aggressive and frustrated. We want to be more in charge of the situation, but feel we are not. We figure if someone hurts us, we will just push the other way, and hurt them back.

Burying and Hiding Feelings: We try to avoid getting into trouble or confronting our feelings by lying about what is going on. We lie to ourselves and we lie to others. (Me upset? No, I am not upset!) And so, our emotions are hidden deeper and deeper under our facade of lies.

Blaming Others: When things do not go our way, we try to maintain our self-esteem by making it appear to be the fault of someone else. We try to make somebody else look bad.

Reactive Domination: Sometimes when we feel we are not in charge, we try to reverse the situation by acting like we are the Arnold Schwartzenegger of the universe. We act like we are in charge, but deep inside we know we are just fearful. This dichotomy between these two personas, makes us feel bad, and contributes to our guilt and unhappiness.

II. What Happens Next In Christian Drug Use

As the devil of substance abuse begins to enter our life, we are still trying to cope.

We try everything:
- Avoiding time at home.
- Running away for the weekend.
- Making up fantasies that our life is different.
- Daydreaming.
- Sleeping excessively.
- Avoiding human contact.
- Watching television or playing video games.
- Staying at work.
- Keeping to ourselves.
- Pretending we are sick.
- Drifting into depression.

III. When Christians Need Drug Rehab

When you see that drugs are entering your life, and your life as you knew it is vanishing away, that is the time to consider drug rehabb.

Denying that you need help is the greatest hazard. Do not wait until you have lost everything. As soon as you recognize the land mines in your life, seek out a drug rehab.

In looking for a drug rehabilitation program, Christians should utilize the most current information available. Searching the World Wide Web (Internet) may be helpful.

The most important thing for Christians is to search for appropriate treatment for drug dependence, and get signed up as soon as possible. You life could depend on it.

Sobriety comes one step at a time. You are invited to continue learning about Christian drug rehab and how
Christians in recovery .

Discern between accepting and settling. Accept what you cannot change, but never settle for anything below your standards.

When you settle for less than your standards, you allow yourself to lose integrity and you lose a piece of yourself every time. Simple math tells you that the more you’re not in integrity, the more you lose.

Being out of integrity is very similar to your spine being out of its healthy alignment, or the alignment of your car being out of its proper settings. In either case, you (or your car) aren’t going to be able to operate at the optimum level when lacking integrity.

You can’t be at your best when you’re totally NOT present. And some settling always enables more settling. Settling, in fact, is quite contagious.

Although it may seem easier to settle than to work for something that is nothing less than your standards, in the end, it will take much more work to dig yourself out of the settling rut of non-integrity.

What it boils down to is: Are you being real, authentic and settling for nothing less than your standards, or are you avoiding making a stand for yourself, and in doing so, settling and pretending to be satisfied?

Too many times I have witnessed people putting more focus on being right (ego driven) and being nice (co-dependent driven), either at the expense of being real.

When you’re real, you don’t have to prove anything to anybody, nor do you have to do anything outside of the limits of your standards, values, and priorities. When you’re real, you’re in your integrity; and when you’re in your integrity, you have the opportunity to live in your highest good and in the highest good for all humankind. Your life runs easier, just like a car in its proper alignment, when you are in your integrity.

Okay, let’s say you are now clear on your deal-makers, highly-desirables, wish list and deal-breakers; and you are not settling and are trying to live in integrity. There is still one more thing you must watch out for: Weeds!

Needs, Seeds and Weeds

When I was planning a garden a few years ago, I sat down and designed it specifically to attract butterflies and hummingbirds. I knew exactly what I needed to get the results I wanted. I knew what my deal-makers were, my highly desirables, my wish list, and what my deal-breakers were.

I was very deliberate about what I planted in order to achieve my goals. However, after the planning and planting, I let my garden go. I didn’t do the weeding and maintenance which was required.

Eventually the weeds came in and wiped out the purpose of my garden. The worst part was I saw what was happening but continued to let it take place… I got “busy”! I allowed myself to settle for an overgrown garden.

This caused me great anguish because I knew the garden didn’t have the beauty (nor the butterfly attraction) I’d planned and as a result I knew I wasn’t living up to my own standards.

By planting the seeds you want in your life you create a garden (and a life) which is both what you like and what you want to have attracted to you.

Whatever you plant - thoughts, beliefs and actions - you will also reap, but in much greater quantities than you planted. If you plant seeds of fear and insecurity, then that’s what you’ll get: more fear and insecurity.

If you plant seeds of hope, faith, trust and prosperity, then you will get more hope, faith, trust and prosperity. The solution is quite simple…

Plant what you want to grow!

Ken Donaldson has been offering counseling, coaching, and educational programs since 1987. His programs are focused on empowering people to have more successful lives, businesses and relationships. Claim your FREE Relationship Success Special Report at Marry YourSelf First!. Ken is the author of Marry YourSelf First! Saying “I DO” to a Life of Passion, Power and Purpose.

Self improvement and religion might seem like two totally diverse concepts. Many learned people are of the opinion that religion places people in boxes where they have to fit a specified mould, this prevents them from reaching self actualization. Others believe that religion is a vehicle in which a person may embark on a journey of eternal progression. Between these opposite views are some principles which could help you improve.

Most religions have a set of guidelines or standards which governs behaviour, e.g. Christians adhere to the 10 Commandments. By living up to the guidelines, a person will receive rewards (blessings). The standards also prevent believers from indulging in harmful practices. It follows then that a righteous person will be able to progress better with their self improvement.

The guilt believers experience when breaking commandment can have a negative effect on self improvement. Even non-believers experience feelings of guilt to some extent when doing things that bring unhappiness to others. Guilt fills a person with negative feelings and lowers self esteem. These feelings are counter productive to improvement. The process to over come these negative emotions is called repentance. Different religions provide for this in different ways. Part of this process most often involves confession.

Confession can also lift your burdens even if you are non-religious. Just talking about your problem with your closest friend will make you feel better. If you have done some injustice to someone else, just speak to them and iron out your differences. It will make you feel more positive.

Prayer is probably the most used religious principle and can have a real positive influence on self improvement. Prayer is defined as communication with God or a superior being. It is believed that God answers prayers. Religious and non-believers practice prayer in some way or another. Those who pray find strength through the belief that the prayer will be answered, the verbal expression of their needs, the sharing of their dreams and goals motivates them to succeed, belief that they will be assisted in overcoming their problems and feeling that they are not alone in their struggle.

Reading scripture i.e. Holy Bible, Koran, etc can have a positive influence on self improvement. These books abound in examples of people being able to overcome weaknesses and to become more perfect. You don not have to be religious to benefit from reading Holy Scripture.

Being a member of a religious group provides social support to the member. Fellow members understand the need to become more perfect and thus provide support in self improvement efforts. You will most probably find that they are also in turn trying to improve in one way or another.

The most powerful concept offered by religion is that humans are sons and daughters of a God and thus have unlimited potential. This realization can assist believers in motivating themselves to tackle very difficult self improvement projects, knowing that they are very likely to succeed. It also gives them emotional strength and faith to keep on trying when things might look hopeless.

Taking all things into account, maybe self improvement and religion are not as diverse as expected!

Copyright Self Improvement Advice Online. Apart from advice, www.self-improvement-advice-online.com also has a directory of self improvement products and services where vendors can submit their link.

Being happy isn’t as hard as it appears to be at times. The first thing you have to do is make a choice. That’s right. Decide you want to be happy. Once you make that decision you will find you attract more and more things to be happy about. Just like the snowball of bad things you can create an avalanche of things that feel good.

Here are 12 ways you can get started feelign good. Make sure to keep your eyes open for things to be grateful for while you are out there feeling good.

*Get out there and be with people. Social interaction is a huge part of feeling good. If you can’t get out, get online. There are millions of groups online where you can find people who are interested in the same things as you. If you don’t know how to find like-minded people in your area jump online and check out meetup dot com. It will give you tons of groups on a million different topics of people who are meeting up in your local area.

*Have an attitude of gratitude. You have so much to be thankful for, whether you can see it right now or not. Taking time to thank those who provide even the smallest thing will help you realize how abundant your life is.

*Watch less news. It’s depressing, and filled with nothing but what’s wrong in the world. If you must watch TV find a feel good movie or something that makes you laugh. Laughter really is the best medicine.

*Bring sprituality back into your life. Whether that means going to church, or meditating alone being mindful of spirit is a great way to increase your good feelings.

*Manage your time better. Running around feeling like you are always late and there’s never enough time is stressful. Stress is the destroyer of feeling good.

*Laugh and laugh vigorously everyday. Heard a good joke? Tell your friends or family about it. As they also say -’Laughter is the best medicine’.

*Communicate your feelings, affections, friendship and passion to people around you.

*Let go of anger and frustration. Holding on to these emotions and the energy involved in them is bad for your health. Instead find ways of expressing them in a way that will not cause more injury or hurt to anyone.

*Working hard brings great personal contentment. It gives a sense of being capable in finishing our tasks. Work on things that you feel are valuable of your time.

*Learning is a joyful exercise. Try and learn something new each day. Learning also makes us increase our horizons.

*Run, jog, walk and do other things that your body was made for. Feel alive.

*Create a vision board. Focusing on the things you love and want in your life will make you feel happy. Especially when you spend some time feeling what it will feel like when you have those things in your life.

If you don’t know how to make a vision board you can easily create one using vision board software!