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No need to look up “self-fullness” in the dictionary - you won’t find it. And it’s also not likely to be in the vocabulary of women who are pulled between their careers, children, parents, spouse or even grandchildren. No matter what age women have attained, many still act the part of the ‘good girl,’ responding to the needs of others first. It’s fitting that these multitasking women are called the Sandwich Generation - since a sandwich often means a quick bite to eat on the run for those who don’t have the time for a sit-down meal.

No matter what challenges you face in your career and at home with children growing up and parents growing older, it’s not selfish to set aside time for a taste of healthy self-fullness. Vow to put your feet up and think about yourself for once. What brings you happiness? What relieves the stress you face every day? What will bring balance to your life? These ten tips will guide you as you make plans to nourish yourself.

1. Whether you are changing jobs, having a baby, facing an empty nest, welcoming a boomerang kidult home, caring for a parent with Alzheimer’s or anticipating your spouse’s retirement, you don’t have to cope with it alone. Find others in like situations or a women’s group and gain emotional support as you share ideas.

2. As caring for your family-in-flux requires more and more of your energy, you may not be able to spend as much time with your friends. Resolve to stay in contact with them - even though your to-do list keeps growing and your calendar is full. Friendships and the social support they provide can be a potent antidote to the toxins of daily hassles.

3. Schedule in some quiet, private time and do something that gives you pleasure - take a walk by the water, enjoy the beauty of a sunset, immerse yourself in a good book. Think of this as a personal retreat that provides the opportunity to reconnect and re-center yourself.

4. Guilt runs rampant among caregivers who often worry that they’re not doing enough for their loved ones. Remind yourself that you’re dancing as fast as you can, given the realities of your life situation. You don’t have to be the perfect mother, daughter, or wife. Set your own reasonable standards rather than falling in the trap of trying to live up to others’ expectations.

5. Work to release additional areas of negativity - both in thought and emotions. When you are afraid of what the future holds in store or angry about what you need to cope with on a daily basis, acknowledge these as normal reactions and accept that they will come and go. Your frustrations and resentments make up part of the tapestry of your life but they need not be in the forefront. Once you understand that they are common responses to a difficult situation, you will find it easier to let them recede.

6. As you free yourself from negative feelings, begin to replace them with a more positive attitude. In your journal, write about what you are grateful for in your life. End each evening by reviewing three pleasant things that happened that day and savor the warmth these memories generate. Let your creativity emerge as you explore new interests.

7. Develop personal stress relievers to counteract the burnout that at times overwhelms you. Practice techniques of deep breathing, relaxation or your own form of meditation. Begin an exercise program that you will enjoy - commit to a schedule at the gym or take in the great outdoors, walking with a friend, biking in the neighborhood, hiking in the countryside on weekends.

8. Give yourself the gift of laughter - look for humor in your daily life, share a funny movie or television show with a friend, participate in activities that bring you joy. After you read the news section of your daily paper, turn to the Comics page to lighten your mood and release endorphins. Recent studies have found that a positive mood creates the atmosphere for better decision-making.

9. Ask for what you need from your family members and seek out professionals for their expertise and guidance. You don’t have to do everything yourself. Let your spouse, children and siblings know exactly how you feel, what you want from them, and how they can do their share.

10. Recognize that it is healthy to receive as well as to give. Taking help when it is offered doesn’t diminish your abilities. Accept and integrate the admiration that others express for you. Relish the gratitude and love that your partner, parents and children demonstrate.

As you decide to take better care of yourself, you will discover the strength to find balance in your life. Develop a firm core of self-fullness - it will sustain you as you continue to nurture your growing and changing family.

(c) Her Mentor Center, 2008

Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. are founders of http://www.HerMentorCenter.com, a website for midlife women and http://www.NourishingRelationships.Blogspot.com, a Blog for the Sandwich Generation. They are authors of a forthcoming book about Baby Boomers and family relationships. They offer free newsletter Stepping Stones.

Do you suffer from extreme levels of stress? Do you often feel burdened by small things that others tend to handle easily? If so, you may have certain behaviors that result in stress. Many people will often point fingers at other people and situations when it comes finding a culprit for the stress that they are experiencing. Many do not stop and consider the fact that they are ultimately responsible for the stress that they experience. However, the truth is, most of the time certain behaviors that WE experience cause OUR stress. It is important that you know and understand these behaviors if you want to take personal accountability, and resolve the stress that you experience.

The first type of behavior is that in which one is negative. We are not talking about the occasional negative thought either. We are talking about negativity that is obsessive in nature. Individuals that experience this type of behavior are often negative towards others in their life, as well as things and situations that they cross paths with. These often see the cup “half empty”. As a result of this kind of perception, an individual who experiences this type of behavior is often “half empty” when it comes to life, and overflowing when it comes to stress. If you find that you match this description, it is important to understand that not everything has a negative aspect to it. Work hard to see something positive in everything that you have a negative opinion about, and you will quickly learn that your stress will eventually decline.

The second type of behavior that often leads to high amounts of stress is that in which an individual feels the need to be “perfect” in an obsessive manner. These individuals are often referred to as the “perfectionist”. Individuals who suffer from the effects of this type of behavior will try continuously to ensure that things are completed according to THEIR standard. Naturally, this standard is normally set relatively high. Individuals that experience this will find that they impose a lot of stress on their life. In addition to this, this behavior can lead to a high level of low self-confidence. Individuals who do not meet and/or exceed their expectations are often the ones who go through life feeling as if they are failures.

Highly obsessive analytical thinking is another example of a behavior that is considered to be destructive and result in high levels of stress. These types of individuals often review things constantly, or “read” into things. When this happens, the person experiences a lot of stress. Many actually preprogram themselves to act on high levels of stress until they accomplish certain tasks, or finish certain projects. By doing so, they are neglecting themselves of time, enjoyment, and quality of life.

If you suffer from any of these behaviors, it is important that you work to block the behavior in order to effectively reduce the stress that is occurring in your life. The first way that you can do this is to come to terms with the fact that your perception is too harsh, and that it is not necessary to feel and act in the manner that you do. Secondly, make it a point to be both positive and realistic. Third, visit a professional for coping strategies if you are not successful on your own. By doing so, you can quickly alleviate the stress that you experience on a day to day basis.

Kevin Sinclair is the publisher and editor of Be Successful News, a site that provides information and articles on how to succeed in your own home or small business.

Nightmares - the kind that wake us with our heart beating wildly and our whole body tensed and ready to do battle with the baddies or run away - are often experienced as very frightening and worrisome.

Many want to forget their bad dreams as soon as possible. They don’t realize these could be missed opportunities for enrichment in their lives. Analyzing dreams is a potent method not only for managing stress but for our personal development.

We may ask ourselves:

Did I see or hear something bad that is coming back to haunt me?

Is my dream warning me about someone who is out to get me?

Did I eat something spoiled for dinner?

Or could there be something more that I am not getting here?

The truth is, any or all of these and many more possibilities may be true. Dreams are imagery and storyline salads that our deeper self puts up on the screen of our awareness during the night. When we sleep, our conscious mind is resting. This allows our unconscious mind the space to chew on and digest whatever issues we have swallowed but have not yet sorted out during the day.

The ingredients in this salad may include
- Residues of experiences from the day
- Memory associations with those experiences that
are sitting in the same file drawer of brain
- Feelings similar to those experiences
- resonating like taut guitar strings to a similar
note from recent events
- Sounds our unconscious mind notes while we sleep
- Worries and fears about the future

There are countless books for interpreting dreams. These may give us some general ideas about our own nightmares, but only we ourselves can say what our particular dreams mean. This is because we have concocted this imagery salad out of the unique ingredients of our individual, personal lives.

Example

From ‘Kate,’ a 35 year-old, single parent MBA:

“I once woke in a sweat, having dreamed I was driving a car with a steering wheel I could no longer turn.”

The first step in befriending our nightmares is to write down every detail and nuance we can recall, omitting no pixel of pictures, no nuance of feeling, or soundbyte of words, or intonations exchanged by the characters on that inner stage.

“As I started to write, more details emerged. Not only was I approaching a curve, but there was a big truck approaching in the opposite lane. I kept fighting the wheel that wouldn’t turn, terrified as my car crossed the yellow line just in front of the truck. I wanted to scream but no words would come out of my mouth. I woke just before impact.”

Next, we can scan our memories for what might have been a leftover from recent days’ experiences that was dropped into the salad.

“I felt I was being driven by my financial needs to continue on a career path that I was unhappy to pursue. The atmosphere at the factory was terrible because I was being asked to do jobs that weren’t mine, due to several recent staff resignations. I was forced to stay late, compromising my duties as a mom to two young girls. I was having a hard time finding another job I wanted, and worried I could not hold up (might crash) under the stresses.”

Examining patterns from the past that might be similar, Kate realized:

“My father was forced into bankruptcy, due to a poor choice in business partners, when I was in my late teens. This severely disrupted our family and delayed my plans for going to university until I could pay my own way. I felt totally out of control when this happened.”

Sorting out the meanings of the dream, one can explore alternatives that one might have overlooked in the dream and why these blind spots might exist.

“I came to see I had struggled with the steering wheel but never thought of stepping on the brakes. The dream actually helped me understand that when stressed, I often felt panicky and out of control - when actually there often were choices I could make that would be under my control.”

The nightmare can then suggest new ways we might approach our life situations.

“I came to see that I could take a stand for myself and put on the brakes at work. I was lucky that the division manager was an understanding single mom herself and she supported me when I requested shifts in my duties.”

Kate also found ways she could deal with the heavy feelings of hurt, anger and resentment she carried from her father’s bankruptcy.

In short, if we don’t run away from our nightmares or push them back into the fog of unknowing in our unconscious mind, they can be a rich feast for understanding ourselves better and for discovering creative ways to improve our lives.

I’m a wholistic psychiatric psychotherapist, passionate to teach self-healing, bodymind approaches and personal spiritual awareness. I authored Healing Research, Vol. 1-3 and many articles on wholistic healing; edit the International Journal of Healing & Caring, a Founding Diplomate of the American Board of Holistic Medicine; and appear internationally on radio and TV.
More by and about Daniel J. Benor, MD

Feeling overwhelmed, overworked, overloaded and stressed are is all too commonplace nowadays. The problem is that these feelings are actually compromising our effectiveness, productivity and efficiency.

We get things done but at a cost to both the quality and quantity of work we produce and at a cost to our physical, mental and emotional health.

A proverb from the Dominican Republic says that,

“It’s not the load but the overload that kills.”

Some individuals become so overwhelmed that they are forced to give up their jobs. Others choose to take this route to a calmer and healthier lifestyle.

In reality, you shouldn’t have to choose between your health and your job. It’s question of getting the right perspective on life and work and finding balance.

So here are some expert stress management tips to help you restore balance in your life.

1. Set Goals
Without goals we drift aimlessly through life. When your goals are clear they act as a filter. Anything that is not relevant to your goals you can simply ignore.

This also means though, that the goals you set must be holistic, balanced and in harmony with each other. They must encompass every area of your life, so for example you don’t build a business and sacrifice your health.

2. Eliminate
Cut the clutter. For instance don’t let newspapers, magazines, letters, etc. accumulate. Make it a habit to get rid of things that no longer serve a useful purpose in your life.

Aim to keep at least a section of your work space or desk clear at all times. Clutter will inhibit your thinking and productivity.

3. Turn it Off!
Learn how to switch off to become more switched on. Get comfortable with turning off your email, Blackberry, mobile phone, etc. for hours at a time.

You don’t need to be a constant conduit for information. Periodically closing your personal information highway will free more of your time for focused work and play as well as provide the time for the restoration of your mind and body.

4. Learn How to Say “No”
There are probably many things that you do on a day-to-day basis that perhaps you don’t need to do because you are not the best person for the job. Find that person and delegate that particular task to them.

Also, don’t say “yes” to other people’s requests when you know that it’s not in your best interest, simply because you can’t pluck up the courage to say “no”.

5. Plan
Take time to plan your day-to-day activities as well as the various projects that you are involved with. Plans are not rigidly set in stone. They need to be flexible because when you set about planning you want to predict where any problems might arise.

Then you make contingency plans for each of these problems. In this way, if something does go wrong, you will be prepared and can smoothly make the transition to an alternative plan.

6. Focus
Decide what is really urgent and important and focus on these tasks first and foremost. Set aside dedicated blocks of time to focus on just one task at a time. Multi-tasking has been proven to be inefficient.

If something relates to a bigger project then break that project down into discrete, bite-sized chunks that can be completed within short timescales. In this way, whenever you work on that project you will make considerable forward momentum.

7. Ask for help
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Too many people suffer in silence.

“Asking for help is a way of emptying our overfull life.”

If you are an employee speak to your boss to explore possible ways of restructuring your workload. If you’re the boss then look at introducing new systems and ways of automating aspects of your work to take the pressure off your shoulders.

For other expert stress management tips send an email to Stress Management Tips. For other self improvement articles and resources please visit Skyline Coaching Blog.

In a magazine publication, the magazine editor knows stress intimately. Working against ever-looming deadlines, she spends her days in and out of meetings, editing and writing copy, and managing her expanding staff of writers and editors.

It may seem inevitable that operating the command center of a monthly magazine would invite stress. However, many people do not realize that stress is something you can prevent, no matter how intense your occupation or how fast-paced your daily life is. And, every ounce of prevention can help prevent other conditions.

In general, working too hard and almost burning yourself out would directly lead to stress. It is not an ideal upshot because stress can inevitably lead to dozens of physical ailments, from heart disease to dizziness, and it undermines our mental health as well.

Stress can lead to depression, anxiety, irritability, and other emotional problems. So, to prevent stress and to avoid burning yourself out that your body tends to fuse out and releases no more energy because of its condition, take some tips o how to live a healthy, stress-free life.

1. Lighten the load

Are you one of those people who have no downtime? Do you go from work to home to your volunteer position or children

The world we live in today does not appear to get any easier. Things seem at best unfair, and at worst painful and unbearable. We go from day to day in the hope that the situation will improve in the not too distant future and eventually our lives will take a turn for the better.

More and more people are becoming stressed as each day the world turns into an even crazier place to live. There is no security anymore, what with many folks no longer enjoying good health, getting into debt, losing their jobs and their homes; there really is no wonder their sanity is at risk. The darkness of depression sets in following worry and anxiety about their way of life.

Time magazine featured a story declaring that we have come into the “Age of Anxiety”. The constant stress and uncertainties of life in 21st century leaves many people living a existence of total fear and worry.

We are bombarded by newspapers and news stations with stories which go way beyond the point of being described as disturbing. And then, of course, there is the economy which is another great stress factor. With the price of houses rising to an outrageous level, soaring prices of commodities such as gas and electric, people find themselves in a position where they have no choice about their career and have to work in employment which they find to be both boring and without any job satisfaction. The main thing is to be bringing home a decent pay check and this completely takes over everything else.

Women, in trying to be all things to everyone, often have higher stress levels than men. They struggle with the roles of mom, wife, housekeeper, daughter, sibling and pay check earner. When in the midst of all this they forget to take time out for themselves, their stress levels, quite naturally, reach the sky.

Children and teens have peer pressure to put up with. Children who do not manage to get a scholarship to fulfill their dream of going to college, have to find part time employment to be able to provide the extra money because their parents alone cannot afford to send them to college.

Always on the go, we are constantly available either on the Internet or cell phones, I-pods, palm pilots and so on. What happened to setting some time aside to relax and enjoy life? We simply do not do it anymore!

We really should learn to say “NO” sometimes instead of doing things we don’t really want to do, but feel we “MUST” do. We continue to say “YES” or “OKAY” only to then feel anxious when things do not get done and tasks start to pile up around us.

There are so many causes of stress, some of which we are not even aware are causing us to reach a state of anxiety. Factors such as regular traveling, buying property, coping with finances, problems with relationships, being the victim of bullying, worrying about examinations, having the in-laws over for a vacation - the list is endless.

Stress is a normal part of our lives but when it starts to completely take over it becomes a problem. When you feel out of control, you become worried and this will undoubtedly result in stress.

The good news is that you do not have to feel stressed anymore. You need to regain control which will put your feelings of anxiety into reverse. YOU CAN DO IT - WE ALL CAN!

Kevin Sinclair is the publisher and editor of My-Personal-Growth.com, a site that provides information and articles for self improvement and personal growth and development.