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The diligent gardener gathered his gloves and tools, and went outside one fine morning to till the soil in his patch of earth. Soon he was on his hands and knees, removing weeds, turning over dirt, putting new plants into the ground and adding fertilizer.

As the sun rose, it grew hot. The gardener decided to get a glass of cool water for refreshment.

In the hall on his way to the kitchen, he caught his reflection in a mirror. He was stunned and unhappy to see his disheveled hair, grimy clothes, and sweaty face.

Forgetting about his drink, the gardener rushed to the kitchen faucet, wet a dishtowel, and returned to the mirror, swiping as vigorously as he had applied himself to his gardening earlier. He cleaned and cleaned that mirror, but it still showed him as dirty and unkempt.

He returned armed with a vinegar solution and new towels, but his reflection did not improve even after another thorough cleansing.

Suddenly he had what he thought was a brilliant insight. “I’ll simply change the mirror. That ought to do the trick.”

He yanked that mirror off the wall, and went to the attic to look for another one. When he found it, he put it on the old mirror’s place and polished it until it was gleaming and spotless.

To his dismay, however, his reflection did not improve, and now had the added dust from the attic.

“What’s going on here!” he cried. “I even changed mirrors, yet my reflection doesn’t get better. What’s wrong with that darn mirror?”

This simple parable makes it easy, of course, to spot the diligent gardener’s real problem. If he doesn’t like his reflection, he needs to take a shower, not switch the looking glass.

Yet when it comes to our own reflections, many of us behave exactly like the diligent gardener. We look outward and rail at the mirror instead of inward. Indeed, we blame anyone and anything except ourselves for the misery, pain, ill health, and general lack in our lives.

A wise teacher named Jesus once discussed this very human tendency to look outward and fixate on others’ problems instead of looking at and within self to solve our own. We do this as individuals, and we do this collectively, rarely realizing that our bodies, our lives, and our world are simply mirrors that reflect who we really are right back to us.

Scary thought, isn’t it? Considering the state of the world today, that reflection can at first seem a hopeless mess. We see (and often experience) violence, hatred, injustice, poverty, intimidation, dehumanization, pollution, tyranny. How in the world can I ever make a difference in all of that?

Appearances, however, can be deceiving. Look past the mirror and connect the spiritual dots. Maybe–just maybe–this world collectively and our lives individually are merely reflecting back to us what’s going on within ourselves that we would prefer to ignore. In other words, if we change something within ourselves for the better, we may just change the world for the better, too.

It’s not such a tall order after all. By embracing the mirror’s message instead of ignoring it, we can start the self-change ball rolling. Should we care to pay attention to it, the reflection tells us that what’s going on within us can be summed up simply as lack of
love.

Despite our protestations to the contrary, we do not feel loved, even surrounded by our families or within a relationship. Nor do we feel especially loving. We may even suspect that loving our neighbors is for chumps or dupes, even if we dare not voice that thought aloud.

If we want to feel and experience the changes we hope that love can make in our lives, and if we don’t want to be made fools of us, then it’s time to wise up about love. It always starts with and within self. We cannot give to others what we have not claimed first for ourselves, love included.

What keeps us from claiming love for ourselves? In two words: self-judgment. Once we understand the deeper nature of love and how self-judgment blocks and hampers love, we will have better insight into how the reflection helps us find the ways we are judging ourselves instead of loving ourselves.

No longer scary or hopeless, the reflection is now part of the solution.

Self-love, then, and ultimately a more loving world are possible by freeing ourselves from our self-judgments. This is by no means hopeless, yet it is at once both simple and difficult, thanks to the fears and lies about love that surround us and make it too terrifying to stop blaming the mirror and ignoring the reflection.

Candace (C.L.) Talmadge is the author of the epic fantasy Green Stone of Healing(R) series and a political columnist syndicated by North Star Writers Group. As StoneScribe, she blogs about the intersection of politics and spirituality.

Commitment phobia is the fear and avoidance of having to commit to anything, relationships in particular.

You may be wondering what kind of treatment is available for commitment phobia. First the person has to want the help and be willing to work with a therapist.

The therapist or counsellor needs to determine whether or not the person truly is a commitment phobic or if there is some other personality disorder present. If it is determined that the person truly has a commitment phobia, then the therapist and her client need to work on uncovering what triggered the problem.

However, what is certain is that the person has a problem and that problem is feeling bad in some way, whether the feeling is labelled “commitment phobia” or not! The good news is that it is much easier to work directly with changing a feeling than it is to go the old fashioned Freudian style of uncovering childhood traumas or skeletons in the cupboard.

Understanding the roots of a life limiting behaviour does not necessarily alter it. Changing the way you feel, on the other hand, always alters behaviour. Once we have established that we can work directly with feelings, the spotlight shifts from the so-called commitment phobia itself to a completely different area: does the person with the behaviour accept that he or she actually has a problem?

This is much trickier, especially as there are always two of you in a relationship. The “commitment phobic” can always say - and truly believe - that he is not the one with the problem, but that there is some flaw in you that causes him to stray or run away altogether. And if you are the one on the receiving end of that, your self confidence can take some serious blows.

It is for these reasons that I included both self esteem rebuilding strategies and a powerful process to easily change feelings in my program to mend a broken heart: “How To Trust Love Again When Your Heart’s Been Broken.”

My advice about commitment phobia then becomes much simpler. First, stop labelling it. The very term “commitment phobia” or “commitment phobic” sounds like a disease, and no one likes to be labelled “diseased.” It’s behaviour that one of you at least finds difficult. If the person with the behaviour does not have a problem with it, then actually they are not going to change it. We never change behaviours that feel more comfortable than the alternatives.

Secondly, understand that to change behaviour, you first need to change how you feel - not about each other, but inside. It’s not difficult when you realise one thing: if you’re commitment phobic, then ironically, you are committed to the behaviour of phobia!

It sounds like a joke but it isn’t. It is your lifeline. Somewhere you know what it feels like to be committed to something, even if that commitment is not conscious and is not producing the outcome you desire. Harness the feeling and you have the key to change.

Trevor Emdon is a self improvement author, life coach and workshop leader. He is a trained mental health professional & NLP practitioner.

For advice, free articles and more about heartbreak recovery, visit his website www.trust-in-relationships.com

Any of us possesses the nature of a social being. We need people to interact with, talk to, laugh along, argue with, love and be loved. Therefore dating is so popular.

There are several kinds of dating. Going out with a specific person or in groups to enjoy each others company is considered dating. We may go out to movies, sports activities, parks, or merely lazing around in the house. There are prepared dates and spontaneous dates. There are also dates that are satisfying and others becoming not so cool in the end. In short, dating is a social activity where a person has the opportunity to grow in the presence of another.

Being in a company is one opportunity to know a person or persons at a deeper level. Meeting them two or more times may develop the interest and the natural bond. Some end up becoming good friends for a lifetime, others mere acquaintances for some time and others end up having romantic relationships.

In this dating phenomenon, when can we identify if it is just a friendly date or a romantic date?

The following facts may help determine which is which:

1. Friendly date

a. The level of interest and curiosity is on the general activities of the person. For example, families, hobbies, skills, talents, and favourites
b. Both parties are not self-conscious of how they look and behave
c. They can talk anything and about everything without feeling awkward on how the other party will respond
d. A friend can easily say no to a date if he or she does not want to go
e. Setting or location does not necessarily have to be fancy
f. There are no sparks or chemistry going on and it is just a fun of being together
g. No effort of setting the best foot forward to prove that you can be likeable
h. No physical attraction present
i. No expectations of becoming girlfriend or boyfriend

2. Romantic date

a. There is an added pressure to look good on a date
b. Compromising what you really want over the desires of the person you asked to go out with
c. Not able to say no to the person you like especially when he or she asked you out
d. Has become more concerned with personal issues (example: daily activities, whom they get to spend time with, etc.)
e. You give your full attention and focus to what he or she says
f. You make extra effort to get a fancy place and set up a romantic tone
g. There is physical attraction
h. You think about him or her over and over again once you get home

There is not so much importance why one needs to be conscious whether he or she went out for a friendly date or a romantic one. The only concern though would be for both parties to be aware of any intentions or expectations that may potentially arise later on. At least both will have a clear cut understanding of their social status in their so-called budding relationship. Identifying which is which will spare them from getting confused whether they are only friends or are indeed romantically attracted to each other.

Want more? Download FREE Online Dating Guide. For more dating tips and dating advice visit http://www.happy-dating-universe.com.

Getting over a relationship breakup is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. I’ve only broken up with someone once and that was pretty easy, however it’s the getting dumped part that completely sucks. I’m sure you know since you’re reading this post.

So, here are 10 tips for getting over a relationship.

1. Find a support group. This group can be a “face to face” one or an online forum. Introduce yourself; give a brief description of what you’re going through. Open up and be completely honest on how you feel.

2. Exercise on a daily basis. Exercising releases natural drugs in the brain called endorphins which gives you a natural high. When I went through my last breakup I exercised about twice a day and I must say it helped immensely with getting over the relationship breakup.

3. Dive into your hobby. If you don’t have one then get one. It’s time to get your mind thinking about something else.

4. Put (or throw) away pictures and videos. We are starting a new chapter in our life, so there is no need to be reminded of the old one.

5. When it’s over it’s over. Stop calling, emailing, IM’ing etc. Cut off all contact with your ex. Communicating with your ex just extends the pain and can cause some nasty fights.

6. Consult a psychologist and discuss your situation honestly. If you have decent insurance your visit may covered. A psychologist can professionally gauge your level of pain and depression due to the relationship breakup. Your psychologist may suggest a combination of speaking sessions and anti-depressants. I personally needed the anti-depressants and I must admit that they drastically helped me.

7. Don’t dive into another relationship too soon. You need to time to grieve and forget. Getting into another relationship too soon means your heart and mind will be in 2 places instead of one, and that’s not fair to either of you.

8. Discuss your relationship breakup with your family. It doesn’t matter who you’re closest to, just go see them or give them a call. Let your family know what you’re going throw. I talked to my mom and grandma about every feeling I had. Both of them set me straight with advice that I couldn’t get anywhere else because they knew me like no one else.

9. Stop hanging out with common friends. When I say common friends I mean friends that both you and your ex associated with. You need forget about your ex relationship and seeing them will be a constant reminder. I hated doing this, but there was no other way around it. Even today (5 years later) if I see one of our old common friends I’m immediately reminded of my Ex.

10. Strengthen your relationship with your close friends (these are friends that you had before your Ex). Going out with my friends from college really helped forget about my relationship breakup. When you go “out on the town” have fun with your friends and remember not to start dating anyone too soon. Also, be really careful with alcohol and drugs at this time since all they will do is intensify your sad feelings (at least they did for me).

Check out my blog for tips on getting over a relationship breakup or how to get your ex back!

When your wedding ring is considered, you have various choices. You can consider purchasing a gold ring. If you would like to go for some budget option, you may get a silver ring. A third option will certainly be platinum.

As a matter of fact, there is a growing popularity of platinum wedding rings nowadays. One of the reasons behind is that platinum is a kind of expensive metal that a lot of rich people will buy. As a result, the designs of the rings are usually of very high quality. This in turn makes platinum rings a perfect choice if the bride and the groom are both looking for some exquisite designs of the rings.

Another point which has to be mentioned here is that it will not irritate the skin of human beings. As a matter of fact, there are some metals which may irritate our skin. One thing you may not know is that even gold can do harm to our skin. To this end it will be always a good idea to choose platinum wedding rings.

One thing you may also know is that platinum is considered more durable than other kinds of metals. Of course it does not mean that your platinum ring will be the same as a new one after years. The color of the rings may lose a little bit after years. This can be due to various reasons. One of the main reasons is that it will lose its color if it is exposed in the air for a long time. Of course there is no way to change this situation.

However, there are ways to make the platinum ring look new again. There are jewelers who can polish the ring so that it will look new again. To make the platinum wedding ring even more durable, there are couples who will put their rings in a jewelry box and they will only wear it in some special occasions. However, this is not really encouraged since the rings are meant to be a witness of your marriage and you should try to wear it every day. At the end of the day there is no point to put your wedding rings in a jewelry box like your other jewelries.

In most cases the platinum rings will be studded with some gems. You may probably know that diamond is very popular in this case. Yes diamond and platinum is a perfect match.

Although it is very perfect to have a platinum diamond wedding ring, you should look after your budget when you are planning to purchase. As mentioned, platinum rings are something very expensive. It will be even more expensive if it is a diamond ring. No matter how beautiful the rings are, there is no point to buy something which is totally out of your budget. And it is not wise to make yourself in debt after your wedding. As a result, if you are on a tight budget, you are advised to go for other options such as the silver rings.

Jerry Leung has great interest Chinese Marriage Customs. He runs a website on Wedding invitation. Be sure to check Unique Wedding Favors Ideas.

One of the most different jobs we need to do in our life is to plan for our wedding. Yes it is not that easy to plan for a really special and unique wedding. There are just too many details for you to consider. This makes the job of wedding planning a very stressful task.

However, it is still the common dream of most brides and grooms to plan for a really special wedding. As a matter of fact, the process of wedding planning will already very memorable. It will be even more perfect if you can really plan for a special wedding.

The first thing you need to do in order to plan for a unique wedding is that you need to start early. Yes you need to spend plenty of time if you would like to make your wedding special. You will have to take the time to source for different wedding items. If you do not have enough time to search for different items, you will be forced to take the options you can get in your limited time. If it is possible, you should start your wedding planning as soon as you decide to get married. In most cases it will be perfect if you can allow a year for yourself to plan for your big day.

When you are searching for your wedding vendors, you will need to gather information about both their services and reputation. You may think that it is not really possible for you to know the reputation of the services since you will only have your wedding once. However, this is not really correct. You can go to various online wedding forums to see if other brides and grooms are discussing about a certain wedding vendor. Since some of the forum members may be newlywed couples, they may have experience in working with some wedding vendors. Their opinions will really be valuable. However, you have to be very careful before you take the opinions since it may just be some of the vendors who are trying to advertise in these online wedding forums.

In order to organize the information you gather, you will need to use your computer. You will need to use MS excel or some other software which provide the function of spread sheets so that you can save the information you gather into your computer. The file structure is very important. You should open folders according to different categories. You may create a folder named gown and you will put all the information about wedding dresses into this folder. At the same time you may create another folder called stationery so that you can put all the information about invitation and stationery into this folder.

One last thing is that, you need to work within your budget. In fact, there are various ways to finance your wedding and you may consider going for a wedding loan if your dream wedding is out of your budget. Yet you have to make sure that you have the ability to repay after your wedding otherwise you should never go for the option of getting a wedding loan.

Jerry Leung has great interest Chinese Wedding Traditions. He runs a website on Wedding Ceremony in Outer Space. Be sure to check Unique Wedding Favors.